'You fat sh#^'

hey,

Not posted in a while because i've been burried under my college books.

I've come to realise that i finally need to lose weight. Mainly because i want to like what i see when i look into the mirror.

Here is some history...
When i was younger i got bullied and called names this continued to high school. My weight had always been a problem, i could never find anything that fit me properly, and i avoided family meetings/meals and occasion. i dont get bullied anymore (apart from the odd comments from my brothers but family is family right?), having a HUGE family theres always a wedding, birth, meal rather regularly. I would cry to not attend most of them, just so people wouldnt see me. i hated the way i looked and never felt comfortable anywhere. most of the days i would just go to school then come home and straight into my room. i tried dieting - literally tried everything. the apple diet, bringing my food back up, slimming courses, tablets, fasting and many more i cant even remember. When i started college i was opened up to a new world, i met different people that didnt judge me. i felt accepted. i still hated the way i looked, but decided that this might be just the way i am. i met my best friend at college - Curtis. Hes helped me through so much, and still stands right besides me. Anyways, mainly he was the reason i started accepting the way i looked. I then went on to doing another course at college so i no longer saw Curtis as much as i really wanted to. we stayed best friends, we still text. i think not having Curtis around me everyday anymore makes it slightly harder for me. Everyone in my new course seems to be 'skinnier' i am literally probably the only one that is a plus size...and its annoying. everyone's so pretty and petite. only recently i was literally dragged to a cousins wedding, everyone was so beautifully dressed, i couldnt wear what i wanted because i couldnt fit into it, or i wouldnt look good init. after that night i came home lead in my bed and thought to myself what if its genetics, what if ican never actually lose weight. I began to accept my body again but now on a strict healthy diet just at least im eating clean and looking after my health. 

if there's is one person i wish i could look like it would be Sophia Bush